I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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