It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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