I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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