I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
