i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
