He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
