Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I want her autograph on my taint
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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