I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Best friends brother. Beat that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
