idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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