Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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