Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
