She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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