I will die if light touches me.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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