It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
