Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
