I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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