we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't turn off my feet"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
