once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
