Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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