I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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