Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
In other news, I just burned my penis
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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