You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
