I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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