i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
