But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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