You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
