I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
