just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
