Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
