Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
