playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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