My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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