well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
