i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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