I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
