does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
