i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
