3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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