when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Drunk is a universal language darling
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
