Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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