I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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