omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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