Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
