do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize