I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
