Umm I'm too high to move.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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