He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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