My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
