What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
