i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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