I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
