I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
