OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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