If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
