there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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