so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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