i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
