break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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