how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
