fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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