someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
