You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
