I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
