I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
