I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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