There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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