Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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