Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
