Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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